Limbo and Sunflowers
by KungFuu
Summary: After Kakashi is knocked out during the battle with Akatsuki, he has a life-changing experience on the other side. Is it really too late to live his life to the fullest? KakaIru *Manga Spoiler Alert!*


Title: Limbo and Sunflowers  
Rating: G  
Summary: After Kakashi is knocked out during the battle with Akatsuki, he has a life-changing experience on the other side. Is it really too late to live his life to the fullest? KakaIru *Manga Spoiler Alert!*

Darkness. There was only darkness.

There was no blinding light, as he'd half-expected. He wasn't being reincarnated, and he didn't think he was a ghost. While alive, he'd thought about what death would be like, but he'd never imagined he'd be standing in the dark for all eternity. It was peaceful, though, if not a little boring. The thought occurred to him that he wouldn't be able to read _Icha Icha_ in the dark.

Maybe he was in a jutsu. He couldn't really just sit in the dark for…well, forever. There had to be something he was missing. He closed his eyes so that, for just a moment, the darkness was normal, a little less suffocating. When he opened them, it didn't make any difference.

He would just have to look around. Could he even move in this place? Tentatively, he took a step forward. His limbs felt real enough, and the ground beneath him solid. He felt no pain, though the battle had practically destroyed him. He walked forward carefully, listening for sounds of the ground supporting him to crumble. There were no sounds, though. Everything was very dark, and unnaturally still.

He turned his head, but all it did was make him a little disoriented, as the blackness pressed in on him threateningly. He took a few more steps, slightly stumbling now. It had to be a jutsu. He couldn't spend forever in darkness. He had to…to…go _somewhere_.

Behind him, his straining ears detected a noise—the crackle of fire! He spun, a bit too quickly, and nearly lost his balance. This was definitely other-worldly darkness. It messed with his mind. Kakashi had the unshakeable impression that the ground underneath him was only as real as he believed it to be. If he doubted, he felt sure it would fall away and he'd float even further into the abyss.

'_The ground is solid, and there is a fire somewhere near me.'_ His determined mind steadied him, and he was able to advance towards the faint noise. The surer he grew in the belief that he'd heard fire, the less penetrating the darkness became. Soon, he could see a pinprick of light on the horizon. The light grew as he moved towards it, and he was no longer afraid of falling or losing himself in the darkness. He could see the ground, and he could see his own body, just as it usually looked in the mirror after he dressed in the morning.

There was a man hunched over the fire.

"That you, Kakashi?" the man asked. Kakashi knew that voice. He'd been hearing it in his head for years, long after the owner had gone from the living world.

"So…this is where you've been," Kakashi said softly, approaching the fire as quietly as he could. His father's face turned towards him, just as Kakashi remembered it.

"Will you tell me about yourself?" His father's words were choked with emotion. He sounded relieved, hopeful, loving, and terribly sad all at the same time. Kakashi felt the pressure he'd been carrying in his chest for years finally ease. He sat, already smiling.

"Sure," he replied, "It'll take a long time, but I want to tell you everything." He'd never said a truer statement. He wanted—no—he _longed_ for his father to know the man he'd become. He wanted his life story to take a small eternity, so he could sit with his dad by the fireside and just be with him again.

"Yeah, all right," his dad replied, his voice gentle and a little gruff, just as Kakashi remembered. He missed him, he realized, as he would have missed a limb lost in battle. He'd missed him for so long that he'd grown accustomed to the emptiness where his father should have been but no longer was. Now, though, he no longer sat alone. His father's space was full by the fire, and he was as real as Kakashi remembered him to be, from his days as a boy. He felt like crying and smiling at the same time, so he chose to smile.

"I died for Konoha," Kakashi said, proudly. His father nodded, and poked a stick into the fire, to stir it up higher and brighter. Kakashi did not miss the fact that, as his father looked into the flames, there were tears beading in the corners of his eyes.

"I'm proud, son. That's how it should be, for a good shinobi." The unspoken comparison, that his father had committed suicide, hung in the air for a moment and then faded away, like a nightmare lingering in the morning air after the dreamer has already awakened. His father shook his head as if to banish it, once again filling his mind with pride for his son. "Kakashi, I have many regrets, so many I can't remember them all. Things slip away and fade in this place. I haven't forgotten what I did to you, though, what I must have put you through."

Kakashi did not know what to say, so he remained silent. He stared into the fire and the words slipped out, even though he'd never once thought them while he was alive.

"I forgive you. I still love you."

His father cried then, but hurriedly wiped his eyes with his uniform sleeve.

"I've been waiting here instead of moving on. I got here and I thought to myself, place is pretty dark. I should stick around and light a fire, in case my boy comes through. You still afraid of the dark?"

Kakashi huffed in amusement. "A little bit, but I manage okay."

"Your mother visited awhile, but she went back, to the place past here." Kakashi felt his throat constrict. He took a deep breath as quietly as he could.

"You never talked about her to me, when we were alive," he said. His dad let the stick drop and loosely clasped his hands in front of him.

"She was a weird one, I guess you could say. Everybody else in the village thought she was crazy." His father wore a fond smile as he talked, his ancient eyes lit with love.

"What did you think?" Kakashi asked, smiling a bit himself.

"Me? I just thought she was beautiful." The light in his eyes dimmed as he was quiet for a few moments. "I thought I could protect her, but I couldn't. There were things I just couldn't protect her from. An enemy killed her, trying to get to me. He almost killed you, too."

Kakashi nodded, his emotions rolling around violently inside of him. Now he knew the secret he'd never been told as a child, about how he had lost his mother as a helpless baby.

"I'd always thought…she died having me. I thought that was why you didn't like to look at me sometimes." His father looked up at him sharply.

"Take off the mask, son. If you wore it to hide yourself from me, you take it off right now." Kakashi glanced at the older version of himself uneasily, but he did not move to take off his mask.

"That's why I wore it as a kid. After you were…gone…I wore it so that people wouldn't see your face instead of mine. Now it's part of me. It makes my face my own."

His father gave him a long look, but didn't push it. "Tell me something else, about your kids and your wife. Tell me about what you did for Konoha." His father gave him an expectant smile, a little tension still lingering in the corners of his eyes.

Kakashi swallowed thickly. He felt, quite suddenly, that his father would be a little disappointed in him.

"I never married. I didn't have kids, either."

"Oh, well…why not?" his father asked. Kakashi shrugged, and for a long time he didn't answer. Then, the image of his team flashed in his mind's eye.

"I had a team. Things didn't go quite like I planned, though." Kakashi scratched the back of his neck a bit sheepishly. "I lost one, and I didn't give one what she needed, but for the other one…I think I did okay. I had some help with him, though."

"Kids are tricky." His father gave him an understanding smile. "I wasn't very good with mine, either." Kakashi shook his head, grinning all the same.

"Who helped you?" his father asked. Kakashi was a little surprised by the question. Lots of people had helped to make Naruto the Hokage-in-training that he was—Jiraiya, of course, and Tsunade, Sasuke, and even the enemies he'd fought, like Zabuza and Gaara. Mostly, though, one person came to mind.

"A teacher, named Iruka Umino."

"A friend of yours?" his father asked. Kakashi reflected, looking into the fire as he did so.

"Yes, in the end, I think he would have called me a friend."

"Hmm…what about the people you loved before your team…did any make it?"

"All the people I love are dead," Kakashi replied, remembering the time he'd told Sasuke the same thing, a very long time ago. His father shifted uncomfortably.

"I thought so too, once. I was wrong, though, and I think you are, too." Kakashi knew his confusion must have shown on his face. His father gave him a long, hard look, as if waiting for him to puzzle it out on his own. When Kakashi remained blank-faced, his father sighed. "You lose people you love, son, but your heart replaces them whether you want it to or not. Your team, and this Iruka friend of yours…you love them, too. I thought I'd lost everyone once, but I still had you. If I hadn't been so stuck in the past…well, I said I had many regrets."

Kakashi was silent, wondering if he could put the word love on the emotion he felt for his team. It wasn't how he felt about Obito and Rin, but it was an emotion that was hard to control, an emotion that had led him to do foolish things, an emotion that had made him care again, once he'd left ANBU and thought he was dead inside. He thought of the time he'd eaten ramen with Iruka. It was the first time they'd really _talked_. Naruto had left the village for the first time and they had both been a little lost without him. He smiled as he remembered the kids trying to find out what was under his mask. He thought back to the time when Naruto and Sakura and Iruka had dragged him out of the village for an afternoon of fishing. They'd trekked through an endless field of sunflowers to reach the river, and he remembered the laughter in Iruka's eyes as he'd turned around, remembered thinking to himself that the teacher was very attractive when he wasn't angry with him.

Yes, he supposed he did love them.

"I guess…I wasn't as alone as I thought."

"I think you should go back." His father suggested, cutting his eyes over to catch Kakashi's reaction. His son blinked quickly, clearly surprised.

"But I'm…we're _both_ dead. I was definitely killed in battle. I can't go back now."

"I am dead, you're right, but I told you why I was still here. I had to get a light going for you. I had to wait for you. I had to talk to you again. Kakashi, you're not in the afterlife here. This place…this is limbo. This is where you go when you can't move on just yet, either because you're waiting on someone like I was…or because it's not really your time."

"I thought…I thought I would see them again," Kakashi said, unwilling to lose them when he'd thought he'd been so close.

"Kakashi," his father said, sounding more than a little exasperated, "the people you've lost are waiting for you, but they're happy. They're in a good place, and when you _do_ finally show up, you'll have eternity to spend with them. There are things once you go beyond, though, that you can't feel like you did in life. Even here, everything's different…faded, and a little less vibrant. That's why life is so precious. Be with the people you love and _feel_ it. Love and anger and joy and sadness—drink it all in, every moment you can. There's a time for being at peace, a time when you'll walk straight through this darkness into the light beyond, but you can still go back." His father let his words sink in, turning back to the fire. "Life is a battlefield that I gave up on, but you can enjoy the fight a little longer. Will you go back and really live, Kakashi?"

He nodded. The burning desire he had to see Rin, Obito, and his old Sensei was still there, but it was patient now. Kakashi wanted more afternoons in the sunflower field. He wanted to experience all that life had to offer. He would go back, if there was only a way.

"How?" he asked, still doubtful. His father smiled.

"You'll have to go back through the dark. This time, though, I can light your way. It's not much, but it's all I can do for you…all I can do for the scared little kid I must have left behind. Take the light and go. Don't be afraid anymore. I can move on, now, too."

Kakashi picked up one of the smaller logs, the flame burning brightly at its tip.

"Tell them I miss them. Tell them I'm sorry." Kakashi knew he could trust his father with his message. The White Fang stood, clasping Kakashi's shoulder with a callused hand.

"I'll tell them, but the ones on the other side don't hold grudges. They only wish you the best. They forgave and forgot as soon as they crossed over. Least, that's what your mother says." Kakashi was glad for the wisdom. He could go back without regrets knowing his loved ones weren't upset or needing to hear his apology face to face.

"Thank you, Dad, for everything," Kakashi said, wishing they didn't have to part so soon. His father squeezed his shoulder.

"You're welcome. Thank you for letting me pass on. I've waited a long time for you, you know. Are you always so late?" his father asked, jokingly. Kakashi laughed.

"There's a reason I'm always late…but I'll save that story for the next time we meet."

"Agreed. Go on, now, and the next time I see you I want to hear about my grandkids. I'm not picky how you get them. Ask this Iruka fellow out on a date—maybe you'll be surprised where it leads."

Kakashi blinked again, surprised. His father chuckled, winked, and then walked past him. When Kakashi turned his head, his father was gone, leaving him with only the torch in his hand and the echo of his laughter to let Kakashi know he'd even been there at all.

Transformed by what he'd experienced, Kakashi headed confidently in the opposite direction. He walked until the light bounced off a small pool of water. Without the light, he never would have found it. Kakashi approached the edge and slowly touched the surface with his sandal. His foot sank down, followed by the rest of his body. Above his head, the water gently extinguished the flame. Kakashi let go of the torch, floating down gently until he felt a soft surface beneath him.

"He's waking up!" That was Naruto's voice—he'd know it anywhere.

"I'll go get Sakura. Keep trying to coax him awake, Naruto, just do it _gently_." Ah, and that was Iruka's voice, soft and concerned. Kakashi felt a hand squeezing his then, with as little pressure as possible. He cracked his eyes open, expecting darkness, but instead he saw the familiar ceiling of the hospital.

"Kakashi-Sensei! You made it back! I knew you would!" He rolled his eyes to the right to see his student, his big blue eyes watery with tears. He looked older, though, as if years had passed. "Me and Iruka, and Sakura and Sai, Yamato-Sensei, everyone, practically—even Sasuke—we all come to visit you every chance we get. Sakura believed that if we talked to you, it might bring you back, and it worked! It finally worked!"

"I've been…in a coma?" Kakashi asked. Naruto nodded, his expression turning serious. "You've been out for a long time, Kakashi-Sensei. It's nearly been two years since the battle with Akatsuki."

Kakashi's mind boggled. It felt like he'd only been gone hours, certainly not _years_. The door to his room opened, and Sakura rushed in. Iruka was on her heels, and true to Naruto's word, they both looked different. Sakura was a little taller, a little more filled out. Iruka's hair was longer in his pony tail, and now a few strands hung around his face. It made him look softer, and very handsome. Kakashi liked it.

"Kakashi-Sensei! You're _extremely_ late this time!" Sakura accused, dissolving into happy tears by the time she finished. Iruka smiled at him, radiating concern and warmth. He grinned at them all, genuinely happy to be back with them, no matter how much time he'd lost. He would soon make up for it.

Sakura soon switched into medical mode and began to tinker with the machines he was attached to, twisting knobs and writing things down on a chart nearby.

"Naruto…you said Sasuke's name, didn't you?" he had to confirm it, before he got his hopes up. Naruto's megawatt smile just became even brighter.

"I brought him home, and he's here for good now. I can't wait to tell him you're awake!"

Smiling, Kakashi let his eyes slide to Iruka. They had been friends before he left, but Kakashi thought Iruka's feelings for him must have been deeper than friendship if he'd continued to visit him faithfully in the hospital. True to this line of thinking, Iruka's eyes looked a little moist.

"I knew you wouldn't die before you turned in your mission report. You've never let me down before," Iruka said softly, smiling in a way that Kakashi knew was for him alone. The brunet Chuunin gestured at the window, where a sparkling vase sat filled with sunflowers. "I was thinking of that time we all went fishing together, and I told Naruto you might like some of the sunflowers in your room. They're blooming right now, just like they were all those years ago. Naruto and I were talking about that afternoon when you started to stir."

Kakashi closed his eyes for a moment, thinking that he was going to kiss Iruka for the first time in that sunflower field, just as soon as he could leave the hospital.

"I heard you, I think. I was going to keep going, but I remembered all of you and I had to come back."

The door opened again, and a familiar figure entered. It was Sasuke, much taller now, dressed in a Konoha Jonin uniform, but definitely Sasuke. He looked surprised to see him awake.

"Isn't it great, Sasuke? He's finally awake! I _told_ you he'd come back," Naruto said. Sasuke locked eyes with him and approached slowly. When he was standing beside Iruka, he offered him the tiniest of smiles.

"I'm glad you're back, Kakashi-Sensei," Sasuke said, clearly sincere. Kakashi felt happy—happier than he'd felt in a long, long time.

"There was something I said to you, Sasuke, that wasn't true. I told you before you left that everyone I loved was dead. I was wrong, though, because you, and Naruto, and Sakura, and Iruka…you're all alive. I won't take that for granted ever again."

There was a brief silence, filled only with a few sniffles from Sakura and Naruto. Slowly, Sasuke nodded.

"Gee, Kakashi-Sensei, we love you, too. We all do. You knew that, right?" Naruto asked. He gave his hand a final squeeze before letting it go. Kakashi smiled up at him.

"I know now, Naruto. Thank you. So…Sakura, how soon can I go fishing?" Kakashi asked, switching his gaze to her. She looked over his chart, obviously doing some quick calculations in her head.

"With everyone here to help you rehabilitate, we can have you out of here in a week." Suddenly, she giggled. "And you aren't going to believe whose face is on the mountain!"

"What happened to Tsunade?" he asked quickly. Thankfully, Sakura's smile didn't dim.

"She retired. She still lives in Konoha, though, and now she's an elder."

"Who's Hokage, then?" he asked, a very small part of him saying he already knew the answer. He turned to Iruka for confirmation. The brunet just smiled and nodded.

"Gai-Sama has been a wonderful and _highly_ energetic Hokage." Iruka was still smiling serenely, as if this was the conclusion he'd reached on his own. Kakashi face-faulted. The machine next to him indicated his rising heartbeat.

"Come again?" he asked. Sasuke was his savior. He shot a dryly amused look at Iruka and then righted the damage Iruka had done to Kakashi's fragile psyche.

"Iruka's just messing with you. The dobe is Hokage, now. There's not as much spandex involved, but he's still overly energetic."

Kakashi slumped into the pillows, relief coursing through him. His eyes narrowed at Iruka.

"_That_ was not very nice, Sensei."

"Consider it payback for going into a coma before you…well…" Iruka trailed off, a light blush on his face. Naruto looked between them, grinning mischievously.

"He's mad you didn't work up the nerve to ask him out before you went all comatose on everyone."

"Naruto!" Iruka shouted, clearly embarrassed. Wishing to prevent a full-out shouting match, Kakashi smiled underneath his mask, his eye quirking up happily.

"Okay. I deserved that, then. Can I ask you out now?" Kakashi said. He opened his right eye just barely to gauge Iruka's reaction. The flustered teacher looked torn between surprise, embarrassment, and happiness. Sasuke looked equally surprised, while Sakura just smiled at them happily.

"Yes," Iruka finally replied. "You can take me fishing, back through the sunflower field."

"I wouldn't miss it for the world," Kakashi said, knowing his heart spilled out with the words. Iruka's smile lit up the room. The moment hung, and then Naruto broke in, unable to keep quiet a second more.

The small group in his hospital room all pressed closer to his bed, trying to fill him in on what he missed and what had happened in Konoha while he'd been asleep. Kakashi took it all in, smiling and amused by their stories, not caring if all of Konoha was totally changed as long as somewhere just beyond the gates there was an endless field of sunflowers and the people he loved to walk through it with him.


End file.
